Confessions of a door-to-door cucumber salesman

Writer's Block: Doh!

2008-12-18T05:06:20Z

It's the twentieth anniversary of the first Simpsons episode today. Who is your favorite Simpsons character—Ralph? Sideshow Bob? Ned Flanders? An actual Simpson?

View 500 Answers

I think I have to go with Sideshow Bob - closely followed by his brother Cecil as he is hilarious and OH SO GAY. Groundskeeper Willie gets a special mention for "Bonjooooour, ye cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys!"

Blackadder Quote Meme - On Lord Percy

2008-10-17T13:58:32Z

"You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would. Your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly, and the part of you that can't be mentioned, I am reliably informed by ladies around the court wouldn't be worth mentioning even if it could be."

If you see this on your friends list, and you can be arsed to, quote Blackadder in your LJ.

headdesk

2008-06-10T08:04:40Z

Smoking linked to hearing loss

Apparently, as well as causing cancer, premature ageing, anti-social behaviour and nuclear war, smoking makes you deaf and causes dementia. Obesity also causes deafness (in addition to heart disease, ugliness, excessive masturbation and Islamic fundamentalism).

"A separate research project involved more than 5,000 civil servants, who completed memory and reasoning tests and then repeated them five years later.

It found that smoking in middle age was linked to a decline in memory and verbal reasoning ability."

Or maybe, just maybe, GETTING OLDER causes a decline in memory and verbal reasoning as your synapses activate with more difficulty and your BRAIN CELLS DIE. Or maybe being a civil servant causes dementia. I've been on this planet for two decades now and have yet to establish exactly what a 'civil servant' is or does.

Next week: Researchers at Nottingham University find a 'convincing link' between smoking and badly written internet porn.

I'll stop reading BBC News now, I promise.

English schools are the best in the world???

2008-06-10T07:17:46Z

Reading the morning news, I came across this article. This is an insight into the appalling state of the UK secondary education system. The education system in the UK has traditionally been seen as one of the best in the world, and UK qualifications are recognised by employers and universities all over the world.

Students take GCSEs at approximately age 15/16, after 12 years of compulsory education. The accepted standard of education, which statistics such as this are based on, is 5 GCSE passes (grade C or above) in English, Maths and 3 other subjects. GCSE grades range from A*-G and then jump to U, which is 'ungraded' (which basically means you wrote your name on the paper and nothing else of note).

What constitues a C or above varies among subjects, exam boards and papers, but as an example: I took Higher Tier GCSE Maths and Religious Studies. On a Higher Tier paper you can get a grade from A*-C if you actually pass. I got an A for Maths, which is about 60% (I don't know the exact mark). I got an A* in Religious Studies, which covers about 94% and above (my exact mark overall was 358/360, 99.4%). In Maths, I was told that on the paper I took you needed approximately 20% to get a C.

Let me repeat that, in case you missed it. TWENTY PERCENT. On the Intermediate Tier paper (grade range B-D) you needed about 40% for a C.

Now for the statistics:

Percentages for 5 GCSE passes at grade C or above, including English and Maths, for state schools in England

National average: 46%

638 schools less than 30%
14 schools less than 10%

Of 149 local authorities, only 15 contain no schools with below 30%.
In Manchester and Bristol more than half of state schools have below 30%.

The report on the BBC says these 638 schools make up nearly 1/5 of the schools in England. The national average is 46%.

This means that the average level of achievement in England is that 54% of 16-year-olds leaving a state secondary school after 12 years of compulsory education, in the fifth-richest country in the world, do not have what is considered a basic standard of education in this country. There are 14 schools in England where the 'gold standard' pass rate is in single figures. Even factoring in the policies which mean that many children and young people who would previously have been in a special school (not included in these stats) now attend mainstream schools, this is still unbelievable.

Most private schools with any interest in academics pride themselves on getting 'gold standard' pass rates of 100%. Many have 100% pass rates at GCSE, and A-level pass rates in the high 90s. I took 10 GCSEs at age 16, and got 6 A*s and 4 As. I took another two the next year while doing AS Levels and got another A* and A. Apparently I am 'gifted', and I am not expecting every school in the country to produce those kinds of results, but a national average of less than half? And nearly 1/5 getting less than a third? What is WRONG with this place?

If anyone is still in any doubt as to why I will be homeschooling my children (if we are in England - I may be willing to give the Dutch education system a chance), I'm not sure how much clearer I can make the situation. If you want to know why I don't plan to send my children to a private school, I remind you that 'bullying and discrimination policy' in most schools is just a piece of paper.

References:
Schools told to improve or close, BBC News, 9th June 2008
Schools below 30% GCSE target, BBC News, 9th June 2008
Raising the bar on school results, BBC News, 9th June 2008

The last stand of the mentals

2008-04-07T14:31:32Z

Stubbing Out Our Rights petition

If you haven't signed this yet, please do so. Join the Facebook group while you're at it and spread the word. Post the petition on your own journals, write the URL on people's feet, whatever you fancy.

If you don't remember what this is about, this is about letting people have smoking rooms in secure psych units where the patients are not allowed to go outside for a ciggie, as opposed to forcing people who are ill enough to require inpatient psychiatric treatment to quit smoking cold turkey with no preperation and very little, if any, support.

If you don't think people should be allowed to smoke in psych wards, fine. You don't have to sign the petition. I would however prefer it if you didn't comment here or on the Facebook group complaining about it. I can't be arsed with drama and arguing with people. Cheers.

NB: UK signatures only please

There are people being wrong on the internet!

2008-03-30T14:12:43Z

Just got my attention drawn to this at Bipolar Mo.

Some company have made what they claim is a genetic test for bipolar disorder. They also have a test which claims to show whether a person is more likely to benefit from SSRIs. These tests cost $399 each (about £200) and $750 for the pair (about £375).

This news article about the test on Yahoo News tells you a little more about these tests.

"Among hundreds of families Kelsoe has studied, one of the gene variations in the Psynomics test showed up in 1 percent of those unaffected by the disorder versus 3 percent who are affected. The other variation appeared in 7 percent of those without bipolar compared to 15 percent who have the disease.

This would seem to imply that the first test is 97% inaccurate (with a 1% false positive possibility, but that's not too bad) and the second test is 85% inaccurate (with a 7% false positive possibility, which is slightly more worrying).

In addition, "Psynomics will send patients' test results only to their doctors to avoid the risk of self-diagnosis." Apparently they're concerned about people making self-diagnoses after they've sold them a HOME TESTING KIT.

This actually makes me quite angry. If it was more accurate I'd be substantially more impressed with it, although even a 100% accurate genetic test can only show a predisposition, not that you actually have a mental illness, because mental illness is not wholly determined by genetics. But this is just a way of taking money off gullible hypochondriacs. It claims to help treatment - how, precisely? Does it take away the bipolar? Does it tell you exactly what type, brand, dose and delivery method of medication you need? Mental health treatment is more an art than a science, and the real trouble with dealing with the illness often comes after the diagnosis when you start on the med-go-round, a process that usually takes years at best and possibly even a lifetime. It also only works for white North Europeans who are already showing symptoms. The word 'pointless' springs to mind. It also takes responsibility for diagnosis away from psychiatrists, as it gives them something else to blame if they're wrong.

I could compare this test to the first release of Windows Vista, but that would be crass as Vista is an OS and this test could actually seriously fuck with people's lives, and even at best it will just leave them considerably poorer. Psynomics, come back when you've got a clue what you're talking about.

A few words of advice what I have noted in the last 2 days

2008-03-19T15:29:09Z

#1: A dual-boot system is relatively easy to configure. A triple-boot system is not. Do NOT attempt to configure a triple-boot system unless you are absolutely certain you know exactly what you are doing.

#2: Do NOT delete stuff if you don't know what it is/what it does. It is probably vital and its absence will bugger everything.

#3: You cannot have more than four primary partitions on a single hard disk. Try it and nothing will work. You will then have to do a lot of messing about before you can get anything to work again, if it does at all.

#4: Do NOT mess around with the Master Boot Record, GRUB etc unless you are absolutely certain you know exactly what you are doing. You will bugger your computer.

#5: Always back up your data. This goes without saying, but people don't and if you're going to mess around with the essentials of your computer you may very well lose something along the way - so make sure you don't risk anything you don't mind losing.

#6: Windows Vista is next to useless. If you want to install a multi-boot to test out Vista, just don't bother. It's not worth it and you'll save yourself days and avoid the possibility of bricking your computer, or bricking your other OSs and being left with Vista alone, which you will then discover is shite.

#7: Yes, you CAN make a triple-boot system with XP, Vista and Linux and maintain everything in working order, but for the love of G-d, DON'T.

RE: Petition

2008-02-29T12:52:27Z

My petition is being removed from the government website. This is not because I have given up the fight, but because apparently someone else is taking it up for me who has a lot more weight behind them.

I recieved a message from someone working for WISH (Women In Secure Hospitals) who are doing a similar petition as part of a campaign, along with a paper petition to be issued to people who are sectioned and thus cannot access a computer.

I have requested the text of this petition and will be publicising it heavily once it is available. Anyone who has already voted for my petition, could you please sign the upcoming one and we'll get as many people together as we can for it.

Remember: First they came for the smokers, and I did nothing, because I was not a smoker. Then they came for the kinksters, and I did nothing, because I was not kinky. Then they came for the fat people, and I did nothing, because I was not overweight.
Then they came for me, and there was no-one left to speak for me.

Merry fucking Christmas

2007-12-25T15:37:03Z

Merry Christmas (to the Xtians), Happy Holiday (to the Pastafarians), Happy 16th of Tevet (for teh j00z), Happy 25th December (all the rest of you atheist bastards). ^_^

I got a BSL dictionary, a guitar songbook and a bottle of blueberry vodka. Roo got a watch and a phone which we have been playing with all day. It does video (only 5 second clips) so we recorded a couple of clips and I found some freeware that converts 3GP to AVI so I can post them on YouTube. The first is up but needs to be recoded because for some reason in YouTube it has come out upside down so out comes VirtualDub.

I'm working on some video editing which will also be uploaded when I'm done, so expect a post later or tomorrow with some more YTube vids.

Hope you're all having a great day! XD

Anon comment meme

2007-05-13T13:26:14Z

Anonymous commenting is turned ON. What I want you to do is a post a confession in a comment. It can be about anything at all. Even me, but post anonymously. It can be a deep, dark confession, or something just completely random. Has there ever been something you've always wanted to tell me, or anyone else? Now is the time. Post as often as you want, and I will most likely reply, so you may want to check back.

Go spam me, people. It's raining and I have nothing better to do. Make it juicy!

shadowavenger @ 2007-02-28T22:03:00

2007-02-28T22:06:26Z

I HAVE STOLEN THE PLOT AND ALL HUMANITY SHOULD PH34R ME!

Geek code v3.12

2007-01-02T15:39:52Z

-----BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK-----
GAT d- s-:+ a--- C+++ UL P L+ E-- W++ N*+ o-- K- w O-- M- !V PS+++ PE- Y+ PGP- t-- 5- X- R tv++ b++ DI+ D- G e* h! r y+*
------END GEEK CODE BLOCK------

Happy 25th December you atheist bastards ^_^

2006-12-25T00:13:32Z

Since it's now 25th December in the UK, Merry Christmas to all! And Happy National Present Day to anyone not celebrating the Christianness. XD

shadowavenger @ 2006-12-01T22:14:00

2006-12-01T22:14:20Z

shadowavenger @ 2006-10-14T01:32:00

2006-10-14T00:32:45Z

Just shoot me. Right now.

Military Commissions Act of 2006

2006-09-30T12:46:41Z

I am posting this only because I know if I link to it then a lot of people won't click on the link. This needs to be fucking SCREAMED from the rooftops, and I am ashamed that I only heard about it on a webcomic.

Here's the link: http://venusenvy.comicgenesis.com/

And here's the comic (copyright Erin Lindsey 2006):

Here's what the White House says about the criticisms:

http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2006/09/20060906-5.html

This is the BBC's take on it:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/5391314.stm

And this is a blog which shows you exactly what it says and what that means:

http://www.taac.us/wordpress/archives/603

Thieved from everyone

2006-09-17T00:39:50Z

Anonymous commenting is ON. What I want you to do is a post a confession in a comment. It can be about anything, even me, but you must make it anonymously. Hell it can be the most retarded, pointless confession ever for all I care. I'll probably reply, too. (so you might want to check back XD)

Idea taken from several people on my flist. DON'T FORGET TO POST ANONYMOUSLY!

Click on "more options" when you post to comment anonymously, or select the "anonymous" option before you comment.

-written in blood before everything went black.

2006-07-21T16:12:45Z

Sometimes...

You can cry until there is nothing wet in you.

You can scream and curse to where your throat rebels and ruptures.

You can pray, all you want, to whatever God you think will listen.

And still, it makes no difference.

It goes on, with no sign as to when it might release you.

And you know that if it ever did relent...
It would not be because it cared.

JTHM #5 (Jhonen Vasquez)

Reposted, from mikes_lover87

2006-06-24T20:36:34Z

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I
wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.

Community for people who are struggling

2006-04-29T15:56:04Z

Not In This Alone
A community for people to talk, where people will listen.

Nicked from self_slaughter

2006-03-29T16:53:43Z

Create your own Music List @ HotFreeLayouts!

Welcome to My Journal

2006-01-13T21:44:39Z

Friends Only

Leave a comment if you would like to be added to the domain of Chaos. Consider these points before you comment:

- I am perfectly at peace with the fact that I am bisexual and I consider being transsexual to be the rest of the world's problem, not mine. Genderfucking is fun because it scares fundies. If you can't deal with any of that, just leave now.

- I am a firm, almost zealous believer in frequent masturbation and my favourite word is 'fuck'. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

- By 'we' I mean the collective of people that live in my head. By 'I' I mean the second coming of the Messiah, the worst human being on the planet who is responsible for the demise of the dinosaurs, a gibbering mass of person-jelly, and various other incarnations depending on where my moods are. Bipolar disorder (mania, depression, mixed states), dissociation, suicidal urges/actions, self-harm, drugs (legal and illegal), alcohol use and abuse, telephone phobia and whatever else goes on in my head at any given moment can and will be discussed here, in occasionally graphic detail.

- If you know me in real life, but only in a passing sense or not as a close friend, you may want to back away slowly now. If not, don't say I didn't warn you. How did you get here, anyway?

- Anyone who wakes me up before noon (for a non-emergency) will be drowned in flat cola.

If you're still convinced you want to read, comment and enjoy. And if I add you, be sure to add me back.

My personality test

2005-12-30T00:46:28Z

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Stability	\|\|\|\|	20%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Physical Fitness	\|\|	10%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot:
craves attention, messy, open, rash, irritable, likes large parties, low self control, weird, fragile, does not like to be alone, emotionally sensitive, worrying, depressed, heart over mind, does not respect authority, dependent, not rule conscious, not good at saving money, more interested in relationships than intellectual pursuits, likes to fit in, very social, frequently second guesses self, phobic, suspicious, not careful, outgoing, vain, compassionate, aggressive, likes to make fun, hates to lose

Sounds about right.

Musicians do it with impeccable rhythm

2005-12-19T20:19:37Z

Quote of the day:

"Useing a pick is like wearing a rubber, foreign material between me and the object of my lust!"
- Twofingers&athumb on 8notes.com Bass Forum